of places and spaces
by call.me.clueless
Summary: All she can hear is the sound of her heart breaking and the world shattering around her. There's no way to stop it now. Rukia-centric.


Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

* * *

She waits.

Day after day, she stands at the front gates of the Soul Society, anxious. She fiddles with her pale fingers and rocks to and fro on her heels. She tells herself that she is not nervous, not really.

She is lying.

This routine, this practice of torturing herself while she stubbornly waits for him to come back to her is deadly. She pretends not to notice the detrimental effects like loss of weight, even though she is already too slim, or the dwindling friends, even though she never had that many to begin with. She feigns ignorance when her brother, the only family she recalls ever having, asks about the daily visits to the main entrance.

She lies to him too, telling him that she is fine. She insists that she will be okay and just needs to be alone for a little while. She tells all of them that she is still, in fact, mentally stable, and doesn't need the coddling, even though a hand to hold would be nice, or the constant pestering because she has a tendency to forget to eat some days.

This goes on for months before Renji asks about it again. The questions and concern are the last things on her mind even with her best friend standing before her in worry. She blocks out the conversation, fixated only on the entrance to the place she has called home for so long.

"You need to eat," He reminds, voice trying to hide the jealousy he still holds for the girl and her obsession. He has dealt with the brunt of the problem by himself, but seeing her like this, waiting for him, was something that he never wanted to see.

"I did,"

"When?"

She was silent then, trying to remember. Unable to recall the last time that she ate, she shook her head and dismissed the question entirely. She turned her back to him then, for perhaps the last time. His taller, lithe figure disappeared, determined to bring the petite girl to her senses. He be damned if he would just sit back and watch her wither away, her dreams crushed in the process.

She ignores him as he leaves, which he knew was bound to happen. She continues in her thoughts, completely enthralled with her memories of herself and her human fixation. She closes her eyes, a smile forming on her thin mouth as she recalls running her fingers through his thick, orange hair. She remembers the feeling of lying on his chest at night, comfortable and willing to talk about anything.

The nicknames, the light banter, the risking of everything in order to ensure each other's safety. Each little thing meant something to her and held a special place in her almost-there heart.

As if something from a dream, he is suddenly appearing and it's all rushing back. She remembers, then, exactly why she refuses to leave her post.

The reason is staring down at her, orange hair framing his high cheek bones. She smiles up, the twinkle in her eye back after years of absence. She wants to reach for him, hug him, and maybe even secretly kiss him senseless. But she won't because he is Ichigo and she is Rukia. That's not how they work and she knows it. Deep down, she wishes they could be something, anything, but this tragedy of sorts.

She lowers her head, black, choppy hair falling to hide her face in shame. She catches herself before she stumbles down that path too far and runs a hand through her knotted hair. She tries to force a smile on her face at the sight of him and the girl next to him. She has wished for so long, that it would be her next to him.

Her mind continually screams at her, echoing inside her head, that it is impossible. Unfortunately, she is stupid enough to believe it.

She looks at the pair, eyes catching the intertwined hands and her heart breaks.

Violet darts up to meet brown and she is scared. The petite girl is so afraid, so terrified that she has been replaced. She knew this would happen someday; she had asked him to do it for her so that he would finally be happy. But to actually have him fulfill it? That was too much for her to take.

"Hello, Rukia," Orihime says brightly as she releases her hand from Ichigo's grip and moves to hug the smaller girl.

Because that was all she would ever be. A girl. A simple girl who would never be able to become a woman even after an eternity in the soul society.

"Orihime," Rukia says, holding back sobs that threatened to escape from her lips, "Hi,"

Ichigo smiles, waving his hand and pulls Orihime along with him as they head towards the city. He does not say any form of greeting, does not hug her, does not even move towards her. He simply moves on, without her.

She supposes that she should have ultimately seen that coming. Time, in his world, is different from that of the Soul Society. She knows that; the fact has been beaten into her head countless times. Yet, for some reason, she still wants to believe differently.

She wants to know that things will stay the same when she leaves. She wants to think that he will always be the scared teenager that needs her for protection. She wants to know that, when it all comes crashing down, he will be there to rescue her. That's how things are supposed to go between them, she rationalizes.

Or how they were supposed to be.

She pulls from her thoughts and sees him beckoning her to come with them. His eyes are bright and hold promises that she knows are not for her. He promises the future, full of happiness and good things to come. She knows that she can't be a part of that. She knows, but she needs to go. Against her better judgement and her aching heart, she follows.

Because it's Ichigo and she is Rukia and that's the way things are supposed to be.

* * *

NOTES. So this was my first attempt at writing Bleach! I love this, actually, because of the complex relationships that are so obvious in the manga. Well, okay, not really obvious, but I like to pretend that they are. Anyway, I hope you liked it and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, don't hesitate to leave a review or PM me!

KBYE.


End file.
